News From North Korea

The Office Of Emphatic Loyalty and Unified Landscaping wants to remind all residents of the Pyongnam Province that spring brush collection is April 19th. All brush is to be trimmed exactly 92.5 cm long and no more than 4 cm in diameter. All branches that do not or can not be trimmed to these specifications shall be referred to The Peoples Tribunal Of Arboreal Dissent. All branches shall be left beside The Peoples Curb no more than 1 m from the edge of the Dear Leader's thouroughfare and no closer than ten (10) cm in the shape of a uniform cone with a base of .5 m in diameter. Cooperation is severely recommended to all those concerned. Any deviation from these instructions will be frowned upon greatly resulting in astonishingly brutal consequences. Any questions may be forwarded to The Peoples Bureaucracy where all conversations will be recorded for "quality" purposes. A mandatory Spring Freedom Celebration shall be held afterward for all those still remaining after the Gulag Squads have rounded up all violators, both flora and fauna, of brush cleanup regulations. The Dear Leader wishes everyone a wonderful spring and congratulates all who survived the winter.